Heard I’m a Hero

[one shot]
Author: 薄暮冰轮
Source: http://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=1497021

“You’re a hero, you’ve already rescued our village from the teeth and claws of the demon king! Go forth to the town, the town elder needs you!” said the village elder.

The youth in tattered clothes who bore a blunt sword on his back scratched the back of his head, while giving a confused “Ah”. And then the whole village watched on with a worshipping gaze as he walked out of the small rural village he grew up in, and headed towards the royal capital.

Just what exactly happened? All he wanted to do yesterday was to ascend the mountain to find a pheasant to roast, but who would expect that he’d encounter an irregular huge bear. He defeated the bear with great difficulty. He sliced off the bear paws, then roasted and ate them back home.

The village elder crashed through the door with a crowd of villagers in tow, and then he became a hero.

&&&

“Hero, you’ve finally appeared, you will definitely be able to rescue our town from the crime-perpetrating underling of the demon king,” said the town elder.

The youth in damaged armor who bore a heavy sword on his back yawned, and gave a confused “Un”.

The next day when he was having a meal at the tavern, he started a fight with a masked man over a roast chicken. In the end, he knocked out the masked man with his sword, snatched the roast chicken and wolfishly chowed down. All the chefs in the tavern applauded.

The town elder crashed through the doors with the guards in tow. The youth who was busily using his sleeves to wipe away the oil from the corners of his mouth to destroy the evidence felt that he might have done another remarkable thing again.

Yes, he became a hero again.

The town elder gifted him presentable-looking equipment, then told him with a heavy heart, “The king needs you!”

And so the young hero stepped again onto the path towards the royal capital.

&&&

“You are a hero, you will definitely be able to rescue our country from the barbaric plundering of the demon king!” spoke the king.

The youth in armor who bore an extravagant long sword on his back yawned and gave a confused “Oh”, then the residents of the royal capital watched on with a worshipping gaze as he left the prosperous city and headed towards the territory of the demon king.

Ah, the king was so generous. Not only did he treat him to meals, he was even willing to marry his daughter to him. The hero felt quite dejected. He didn’t like the girl who fought him over whole chickens, braised squid pieces and cream of mushroom soup at the banquet. Their food choices overlapped too much, and they may very possibly give birth to a child with the same appetite. There will definitely be no happiness in this sort of marriage.

And so, he decided to find a boy to marry after defeating the demon king. Jeff from the village is quite suitable. He can cook and hunt, and although he didn’t have any special interest in him, this should be an alright partner, let’s go back home and propose then.

&&&

The hero arrived at the demon king’s territory. He had imagined it to be a volcano without even an inch of grass, but in reality this was a place with beautiful scenery. What made him most happy was that this place had a lot of game.

Here, the hero roasted pheasants for three months and finally completely cleared out all the pheasants in the forest mountains.

He decided to confront the demon king and finish the job.

At that very moment of pushing open the giant doors of the demon king’s castle, he smelled the pungent aroma of roast chicken.

&&&

Three years later:

The king patted Jeff’s shoulder and said with a heavy heart, “Hero, you need to be careful of the dangerous, powerful demon king. At present, there has been a total of one hero who has already fallen to the demon king’s butcher knife. “

Jeff forcefully nodded. “I know, that hero’s my best friend Arthur. It is my mission to defeat the demon king!”

“If you can defeat the great demon king, I will have my daughter marry you.” The king spoke with a smile.

The princess who was holding pieces of squid in her hands threw the squid pieces inside her frilly skirt. She rubbed her oily hands against the skirt, and then spoke to Jeff in a serious manner. “Do you like to eat roast chicken?”

“No, I’m not interested.”

“Ah, that’s great, what about squid and cream of mushroom soup?”

“Not interested in that as well.”

“Ah, that’s great, quickly return after you have defeated the demon king, I’ll marry you.”

“…”

After enduring countless gruelling hardships, Jeff finally killed his way to the demon king’s territory. Unfortunately, he was discovered by the demon king.

The young hero was no opponent for the demon king, and was beaten to the ground and on his last breaths.

He discovered to his despair that he was afraid he will be unable to return to marry the princess.

“My stomach’s so hungry, let’s go home to eat.” At this critical moment, a lazy voice that slurred came from behind the demon king.

Jeff discovered to his surprise that it was his good friend Arthur who went missing for three years.

The demon king gave Jeff the cold-shoulder, harrumphed, turned around and departed with Arthur, leaving Jeff lying on the ground.  Arthur looked back and winked at him, revealing a mischievous smile that Jeff had never seen before.

Half a month later, Jeff, who was already married to the princess, received a black and white photo. The demon king in the photo was wearing an apron, concentrated on handling the cooking pot. His serious expression made him look like he was planning on how to destroy the world. The person who took the photo even blocked half the shot with a roast chicken drumstick.

Hero Jeff all at once realized that someone had already long completed the mission of defeating the demon king.

&&&

“I’ve always been clueless as to what the demon king had actually done. Why does it seem like you hate him a lot?” Jeff asked his wife.

Her Highness dumped the leftover chicken bone onto the ground and covered it up with her frilly skirt.

“Of course. He sent people to snatch my country’s secret cooking recipes of the court. He even nicked the roast chicken that was prepared by the chef for me that day. This is truly an unforgivable matter. Even if I was only seven years old that year, it’s still fresh in my memories up to today.”

“…”

“What he has gathered included the entire continent’s cooking recipes of the dragons and elves. He’s even swept away all the champions of cooking competitions around the world.”

“…”

“Yours and the previous hero’s equipment were all fully sponsored by the chef association.”

“Wait, I seem to have understood something…”