Ka Wen had a revelation that night. What if, phoenixes had the ability to transform into humans? That would be terrifying! A city full of phoenixes!
Ka Wen went knocking on shixiong’s door. It was past midnight and shixiong was probably sleeping but who cares! This is way more important! It’s not like shixiong needs beauty sleep anyway with his face as handsome as it is already! (Note: shixiong is elder brother within a sect)
Shixiong opened his door.
“Oi, brat, what are you doing knocking on my door at this ungodly hour?” said a man with skin as white as jade, a face so smooth it had literally no pores due to a meticulous regime of exfoliating, cleansing and moisturizing every single day. His luscious ivory-black beautiful horse mane of a hair flowed down like the Yangtze river (if the Yangtze river was heavily polluted by a coal-mine up north, turning the waters into a deep and beautiful ivory black that would make snow white jealous) and draped across his delicate-looking shoulders. But those shoulders should not be underestimated. Those are shoulders that have borne the burden of a thousand hundred-pound wild bananas that weighed a hundred pounds each, during the great famine a decade ago, earning him the reputation of “Thousand pound bananaman.”
Below those shoulders was a heavy heart of stone troubled by shixiong’s internal struggle with breaking through his cultivation. Of course, Ka Wen was trying his best to chip away at that stone and carve himself into shixiong’s heart.
Ka Wen looked at the beautiful man standing at the door. His heart fluttered, skipping at 60 beats a minute, which was totally normal for an ordinary healthy person but trash for a cultivator. A normal disciple in the outer sect would have 20 heartbeats per minute and 30 when excited, but Ka Wen’s heart rate actually fluttered at 60 beats per minute. When he was not excited, his heart rate was at 55 beats per minute. It’s a miracle he made it into the sect at all. Masters of cultivation can decrease their heart rates to 5 per minute, and as for the shixiong in front of him, the heart rate was 0 per minute because his heart was made of stone.
“Shixiong shixiong shixiong!” Ka Wen jumped up and down like a kid about to receive pocket money. “What if, what if phoenixes-“
“How many times have I told you, there’s no such thing as phoenixes, Ka Wen! Now go, shoo, shoo, if you ever want to be handsome, go back and get your beauty sleep!” Shixiong shooed Ka Wen out the door.
“But shixiong, that feather on your neckla-“
“It’s from a fire bird, which is not a phoenix, okay? They’re completely different things! One exists, and the other doesn’t! You’ve been sneaking to the forbidden ancient records and reading old wives tales again, have you? Now, be gone in front of my eyes before I let the elders know a certain blockhead is awake past their bedtimes!”
“But shixiong…” Ka Wen whined.
“No buts.” Shixiong slammed his door shut.
“I’m not giving up so easily.” Muttered Ka Wen under his breath.